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James McAvoy

I always believed that I never wanted to be an actor. I only did it because I was allowed to do it and I had to do something.

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I Have Always Believed!

i have always believed...
that only the heart should speak.
that the mind should always be open,
that questions validate the path.
that ears are the greatest gift we have,
and that the truth is worth the cost.
that honest mistakes are the bricks
that build the house,
and that forgiveness is the human condition.
that life in itself is sacred.
that death fulfills the life.
that every word written or spoken,
must remain true to all of this!

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It's Not You

You wear your smile
Like it was going out of fashion
Dress to inflame
But douse any ideas of passion
You carry your love in a trinket
Hanging round your throat
Always inviting
Always exciting
But i must not take off my coat
Well i'm tired of hanging around
I want somebody new
I'm not sure who i've got in mind
But i know
That it's not you
That it's not you
You ask me questions
That i never wanted to hear
I am the only one
Just until you finish this year
I would murder you
If i had the alibi
Here in my hand
And you just laugh
'cause you don't understand
That i'm tired of hanging around
I want somebody new
I'm not sure
Who i've got in mind
But i know that it's not you
It's not you
It's not you
It's not you
It's not you
It's not you
No it's not you
That it's not you
It's not you
It's not you

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I never stopped making pictures. There were times when more of my income was coming from other sources, and I had to devote more time to television and movies and records.

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Machine

I got a machine
And I took over the world
In one weekend
I took over the world
With my machine
I did it because
I was looking for a project
And it was either
Take over the world or learn french
So I took over the world
And next weekend
I can learn french
I got a machine
And I took over the world
But nothing changed
That wouldnt be fair
Gordon gano: vocal
Brian ritchie: keyboards, theremin, short wave, upright bass, electronics
Recorded and mixed by david vartanian at dvs perversion room, milwuakee, wi
gorno music reprinted with permission

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Patrick White

Never Wanted To Work That Hard To Be Beautiful

Never wanted to work that hard to be beautiful
inside or out, be the rare fossil of a mirror
in the red velvet drawer of a jewellery tower
that slides out like a tiny coffin in a morgue.
Not out to prove that waterlilies have the bones
of astral hummingbirds. Love flowers,
but not in cults. Love the moon enough
not to make a religion of it, life enough
not to resist what it's trying to put me through
whether I'm howling in pain, set afire,
or mystically exalted by vital bliss
or about to scatter my ashes from any of the bridges
that arc like grey rainbows of partially kept truces
with the lies of the lines in between.

Sometimes I'm mining mini black holes
inside the solar system looking for
new motherlodes of metaphor inside
the eye sockets of a skull crawling with Aztecs
like red army ants attending to their gods,
or go panning for stars well beyond the heliosphere
the way I used to catch fireflies as a boy
just to watch them glow a moment and let them go
like an intimate insight into what I still don't know
but never failed to be enlightened by upon their release.

People outside my open window, laughing, talking,
setting up giddy long shots like sexual moves
on a hot summer night with a beer in its hand,
and the drunk demotic of a little English on the cue,
and alarmed car horns throbbing like ear aches in park,
and it's all so intriguingly silly it's got to be human
and I wonder if a thousand years from now will think
this is what we had to be like. And as soon as I
glimpse that, the whole scene is deepened by time
in the eyes behind a veil of eternity I lifted
while I was alive to see that everything here is indelible.
There's a perpetuity in our apparent randomness
in the passing of the moment, that spontaneously
preserves us for greater things than we can imagine
like the Conservation of Data Principle
that holds good even in the singular depths
of a black hole listening like a poet through an open window.

A smudge of life on my poem, but I don't mind
the fingerprints at all. What's a star without planets?
What's a shepherd ushering moons toward
the high blue grasslands without a black sheep
that wanders off by itself once and awhile
to check out other things along the way?
My poems pick things up in their flowing
like rivers pick up leaves and tributaries
and small flotillas of blossoms in the spring,
the occult alphabets of calligraphic oil snakes,
and mingles them all into the picture-music
of the mindstream, the motifs of a symphony,
or the themes of a play, that picks things up
and puts them down again like the moonrise
of a rock on a beach. Few of life's harmonies
are symmetrically balanced crystallographers.
Nights when I look into the eyes of the stars
and even the lenses of my telescope break into tears.

You can take life out of it like a fly in the toilet bowl,
a bumble bee in a jar, a star out of your eye
a spider on a long-handled broom, or the crumb
of a leftover dream from the night before,
or you can leave it in if it wants to come along for the ride.
I've heard for so long from people who say they know
that everything is one, I don't worry about disconnections.
It's the fallible continuity of life that sings
like a nightbird from the dead branch and green alike
most beautifully to me, the way the light and the rain
and love when it's real, make unions of disparate things
that depend upon each other for life like metaphors.
I revel in the crazy wisdom of the oxymoronic contradictions
that bond me to the universe like the small volcanoes
of the ground wasps that erupt between the fault lines
along the continental plates of the sidewalks
and apprentice me to landscaping with lava on the moon.

The circle's wounded deeper into its roundness
once it's broken by a branch, the stillness more profound
for the stone that's dropped into it. Love, when it's new,
trued by separation. The earth itself, an alloy
of the elemental table. To be truly original creatively
is to seek the low place like the sea and let
everything run down into you like myriad streams
that are neither many nor one, pure nor polluted,
and out of that mingling which is the whole of you,
raise them like weather from the bells of the flowers
to the robes of snow on the mountain tops
and know that with every cloud, every raindrop, storm,
every bolt of lightning, and all the life thereby engendered
is you returning like a shape shifter to your own depths
and everything comes along for the ride as if
they were always on your side, like your eyes are.

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I will always be that girl

I will always be the girl who laughs at yesterdays jokes.
Who prances around and never gloats.
The one girl you never see cry.
Cuz another girl stole her guy.
The one girl who is full of cheer.
That one girl who may seem alittle weird.
I will always be remembered as the girl who smiled.
Whos temper was untamed and hair flew wild.
Because that girl will never cry.
The one whos smile will never die.
I will always be that girl.
Who smiles in her perfect world.

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I Never Thought Of It That Way

I disagree!
I think I happen to be among the few,
Who believes they have succeeded tremendously.

Look around.
Observe.
What do you see?

'I see a waste of human energy! '

Go on...
And?

'I see a breakdown of dignity and self respect.'

And?

'I see a mess!
That's not progress.'

Who's talking about 'progress'?
I'm talking about what they've succeeded to do!
And it had to have been what they wanted...
Or this condition would not exist.

Hey...?
Maybe from their point of view,
We are witnessing THEIR 'progress'.
I never thought of it that way!
Maybe that's why they reject our version of unity!

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I Never Wanted A Rich Man

I never wanted a rich man
Just someone with soul
It was on the day I met you
I vowed to never let you go
I never knew much about romance
Always used my lucky charms
I learned it all in just one lesson
When you first held me in your arms
Open up your heart
Let me inside
If you listen to your intuition
Well have a chance tonight
Keep me in your heart
And hold on tight
If you read into my intuition
Well find a way tonight
I put away all my heroes
And all the lovers I have known
Even though Ive had my share
Ive spent too many nights alone
Dont need to look for fame or fortune
I have found my paradise
Youve got the whole world in your hands
And a fortune in your eyes

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I Never Wanted to Die (Tombstone Blues)

You probably think I'm a flirt,
That I'm only after a bit of your skirt -
You're wrong about that - let me explain,
There was never much pleasure in my love affairs,
No, indeed, there was plenty of pain,
I'm only attracted to girls who hurt,
And they hurt me again and again!
So if you look in my eyes
You'll see an expression of deep surprise
That you haven't punished me yet,
I haven't walked home alone and upset,
I haven't even broken down and wept
In front of you because
You are too kind,
Too sensitive,
And perhaps a little bit blind!
How strange that I should find
Someone so sympathetic,
Perhaps you'll visit my grave
And put flowers there
And mourn for me and shake your head,
Not quite convinced that I am dead,
Perhaps you'll shed a tear
And wonder why
You cannot really cry,
It's because I've used up all the tears already,
I never wanted to die.

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I Never Wanted

I created myself to be on my own
But I didn't expect to be alone
Did you create yourself to be on your own?
These are the reasons things should be unknown
The days won't let you know
Days won't let you know
That all I never wanted was to be there with you
All I ever wanted to know anywhere with you
No one creates themselves unless they try to
Shut up the caution that made them lie to
All this talk but no one will tell me
Where and when I need to go
The days won't let you know
Days won't let you know
That all I never wanted was to be there with you
All I ever wanted to know anywhere with you
There is no reason, there is no reason, there is no reason
For that now
There is no reason, there is no reason, there is no reason
For that
All I never wanted was to be there with you
All I ever wanted to know anywhere with you
(It's with you so)
All I never wanted was to be there with you
All I ever wanted to know anywhere
Ever wanted to know anywhere with you

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Something About Forever That Is Never Guaranteed

If anyone is unclear,
As to whose accustomed greed
Has been historically jeopardized.
You need only to look into those faces,
To witness a gloating smuggness...
Sinking fast upon those of fattened cheeks.
And a swelling being done,
Of swollen tear dripping eyes.

With this reality that shocks and surprises...
An exclusive feasting enjoyed,
Seems to be diminishing quickly.
With the shrinking of their numbers.
And the ending of them has begun,
To make them appear...
Visably weakened and mentally sick.
And they are aware whatever happens,
From now on they will have to pay for it!

'No free rides?
No free lunch to munch on in between...
Our travels to observe those of lesser means?
How utterly appalling! '

And those on foreign shores hear their screams!

'MEDIC! MEDIC!
We need assistance.
Hearts are stopping all over the place.
Can we not get better care then this? '

And in their loud protest to overshadow this fact...
Blatant theft, deceit and a bleeding elitism,
Have taken more than a few steps back.

And those scenes depicting irrational gluttony...
Are being removed and burned as trash!
From a past many believed would forever last.

However...
There is something about forever,
That is never guaranteed.

'MEDIC! MEDIC!
We need assistance.
Hearts are stopping all over the place.
Can we not get better care then this?
Thousands we pay annually for 'premium' service.
We deserve better than we claim exists! '

~Someone called? ~

'You're not a medic!
You're a mortician.'

~I am a magician as well.
You see those horses over there?
They look as if they are running in place,
Don't they?
People were stunned to see what I could do...
After they were beatened to death! ~

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I always believed that I could make it or I would never have spent so many years trying to get here.

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A poem that's never written my heart

A poem that's never written my heart
Like a song unheard falling apart
We'll go we'll go right through the sky
Firmament broken summoned silence mute
To find a spell of heaven on a broken lute
To sing again no pain
To sing again no pain

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I Never Wanted To Be So Pale

God is God
God is God
God is God

I am I
I am I
I am I

Nothing was Nothing
Nothing was Nothing
Nothing was Nothing

Anything was Everything
Anything was Everything
Anything was Everything

I never wanted to be pale
Skin like the lace on a wedding veil
I never wanted to fail
At being such an open book for sale

God is God
You are You
I am I
We Are Us

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Never Lost

I thought I had lost you
But I found you in my dreams
In rain and in the morning dew
In a land where starlight gleams!
I thought I had lost you
When you came and knocked my door
I cried to get you back anew
And said please leave no more!
I thought I had lost you
But found you still my part
The reason for sure I always knew
That you never left my heart!

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Believing

I never believed a time would come
when roses would lose their scent.
I always believed a space would come
to separate a knave from a gent.
I never believed that time could bring
a silence within your heart.
I always believed that a song to sing
would always do its part
to lift your spirits to the sky
and never have you cry.

All of this believing is too upsetting.
And its only worth is forgetting.

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One Can Wait Forever/ For the Ideal Poem That Will Never Come

One can wait forever for the ideal poem
That will never come-

Or relent,

And write down the lines
That come as they come
Irrelevant, incidental, momentary
As one's own feeling of oneself is.

Like the breeze of these instants,
Like the shadows of the leaves
As they trace their motions
On the sun- touched ground,

Like all which is passing
Without any real evidence of its moment's remembrance
As dying as oneself is
Forever.

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Lack of Courage

Most days I feel
Like I am
Losing so much time
Sitting
Waiting
Hoping
For you to change

Never knowing quite for sure
If it is me or you that must change

Always believed that by
Not moving
Making no decision
Is the same as making one

Wondering if it is due to my lack of strength
Or no courage
To take those hits
That will happen if I choose
To move
Now

Wish I knew if this was truly my choice
Or one made only by lack of my courage

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From the holy fire that should never die (rondine)

From the holy fire that should never die
men were send to sabotage, maim and kill
to poison, plant landmines with a deadly skill
until flaming rockets fell out of the sky,
rising up did burning wood and ashes fly
that made the glowing embers move and spill
from the holy fire.

Armed soldiers were not just driving by,
armoured cars came roaring over the hill,
screaming death until everything was still
burnt out did the last old white embers lie,
from the holy fire.

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Beauty that Is Never Old

When buffeted and beaten by life's storms,
When by the bitter cares of life oppressed,
I want no surer haven than your arms,
I want no sweeter heaven than your breast.

When over my life's way there falls the blight
Of sunless days, and nights of starless skies;
Enough for me, the calm and steadfast light
That softly shines within your loving eyes.

The world, for me, and all the world can hold
Is circled by your arms; for me there lies,
Within the lights and shadows of your eyes,
The only beauty that is never old.

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