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The ballad of Mentler and Ruby NodoleView (or 'Farewell to London') , written in the bar of Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese, Fleet Street,13.01.09

Gather round ye English folk
Listen to my tale true
You will shiver, in sweat you'll soak
At the ballad of NodoleView

Met I Mentler one warm summer
When we both worked in London
Selling stuff by phone, a bummer
But he was far from humdrum

His eyes were dark, his smile was white
My hand did I extend
He made me laugh, day and night
I was proud to call him 'friend'

In Manor Park we took a house
And had good times together
Until one day there came his spouse
Which signaled stormy weather

She was one of those modern girls
And the despair of her father
No washing, no cleaning, thongs, no pearls
'Oy! She's married a schwartzer! '

She cooked no meat, she fed him nuts
And Mentler he did change
The cheery chap became a klutz
His eyes they swiveled strange

He ceased, he stopped, his life of toil
And spent his days instead
Playing games while the heating boiled
And flashing his pole in bed

They lazed all day, they played all day
They thought they knew it all
That halal slaughter was the kindest way
That Sartre played football

The dust piled high, the plates grew mould
And all that I could see
Was Mentler's gaze on the PC cold
Downloading songs for free

Now Mentler had another bit
A lass who lived in Leeds
When Ruby knew she threw a fit
Man! She was not pleased

Her ire turned on this poor poet
Bald gooseberry, what a shame
When a modern girl's been wronged, you’ll know it
But she wants to get laid all the same

Had she been a caring wife
And fed his meaty needs
T'would've saved a lot of veggie strife
And a savoury tart from Leeds

The cash ran short, their faces were glum
And Mentler he came to me
'Five hundred quid, there's a chum
That’ll sort us out, you see'

'I’m HIV, so no work'
Squeaked the crafty liar
'Too much sex, I’ve been a jerk
And now I’m in the mire'

I was worried and did complain
Ruby grew so rabid
'I know all about this strain
Pay, and aid our habit! '

Said she, 'It dies as it hits the air
You can only get AIDS through bonking
Not razor, toothbrush, kissing. So there! '
Her ignorant rant was stonking

But what could I do in such a fix
To help my mate in trouble?
I said I'd pay the sponging pricks
They scarpered at the double

At Christmas Mentler spoke, the fake
(I'd promised hundreds of pounds)
'I'm all clear, it was all a mistake
Sydenham Centre? The clowns! '

I laughed out loud in the liar's face
And Mentler he filled with rage
He cursed, he swore, he trashed the place
A bad actor on the stage

There and then I fled that home
And went bold into the night
'Feigning AIDS for cash? ' I groaned
'How could anyone be that tight? '

Ladies and gents, my song's at an end
For I escaped with pockets full
'Ware lazy bull and defend
The right against the fool

poem by Simon M Hunter
Added by Poetry Lover
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