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Missing My Friend

You weren’t supposed to leave that way
So smart
So caring
So uniquely you
And you were supposed to be here longer
The four of us: physically inseparable for three years
But hearts and minds were connected for much longer
Indian summers of us in the grass after running from old ladies,
Dreamed up in your head but never fulfilled
Big dreams, big thoughts, big heart
An even bigger sadness

I want you to be here
Reading this
So that its not about you so that maybe I wouldn’t be so mad
And I never admitted it;
Cried when I heard the news,
Cried when I told our friends,
Cried even harder at the memorial service
But I never acknowledged the anger
Im mad at you for leaving like this
Im mad that for making me cry this much
Mad at myself for not calling

We were supposed to grow old still connected
In rocking chair reminiscing about Cle-otis
But your gone
And bringing the 3 back together would only
Invoke thoughts, works, stories, conversations of you
Tears would follow

I don’t want to miss you
I want to pick up the phone and scream a quote in your ear
And be mockingly amazed when u know who it’s by
I want to run into you at the mall and laugh for what seems like forever
Of times from eternity past
I don’t want to be crying these tears,
Tears that hold my sorrow of trying to lay your memory to rest;
But I am
I don’t want this to end sappy or with some inside joke which makes me remember
That I can’t go back to the past when you were still here
But it has to

For a long time you were my smile when I couldn’t find my own
We laughed, we cried, we sang, we screamed, we danced (or tried to)
We liked, we loved, we hated, we marched to our own beat
You’re the reason im comfortable in my own skin
May you rest in peace,
My friend, One of those important corners in my old square,
Lauren Elizabeth Edgerton

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