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Ambivalence

it easy to spot
our ambivalence

our lips want to kiss
but your hands
push my chest away

i want to hug you
and make love
with you
but my mind says
i may be
into a long range
trouble

i am thinking
of a room where
we can think

and speak our minds
where we can
forget the dangers
of our game

i reserve a day
for both of us
where we can
simply sit and
do not discuss

morality and what
people may say

yet my feet take
the cab and the
next thing i know

i am in a plane
warmed by my
own black jacket
my arms folded
my hands in
my pockets

i am beside
someone else
and the plane
touches down

and i cough
and it rains
and i step out
and i hide
in another room
far away from
you

and i tell myself
i will be missing you

the word is goodbye
it is never hello
it is never us

it is not the heat
but the coldness of
our coward hearts

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