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Torture remains

i cried myself to sleep,
3 hours later,
i still can't think of nothing else,
the torture you did to me,
you made me bow down to you,
you made me do what i didn't want to do,
i was scared of you,
a child who wanted to be loved,
becames a sexual toy instead,
what makes it worse,
you wasn't even family,
everybody had there doubts,
but you made them believe,
that you were some kind of saint,
made me feel like i don't belong,
i still feel that way until this day,
in my heart i know i'm better than just sex,
but in my mind i believe its all i'm good for,
do you know how hard it is,
to live in a world that you feel,
could of been better?
i will never get back what i lost to you,
a sense of pride was lost,
a sense of joy to use my body,
the way it was surpose to be use for love,
i feel it as being wrong,
the people i have feelings for,
just can't understand why,
i'm left with telling,
and them leaving me,
or keeping to myself,
having them think i'm just a tease,
and move on,
either way,
i guess i don't have much to lose,
it either,
let somebody i think i have a future with in,
and let them make the choice to stay by my side,
or let them move onto a girl with less problems,
but i hate not having that control,
and when i look at it,
i don't really have as much control as i think,
i just can't go through another rejection from a guy,
because of my past,
it's not even right,
to have to loose something important to you,
all because it was something you didn't ask for,
in the first place.

poem by Mona Martinez
Added by Poetry Lover
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