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Here in my heart

Another year leaves its mark on me as it nears the ending.
So many things in my head, so much to say... difficult not to get lost in a war of words.
The most painfull thing is to give up, as i said i never would.
And so i never have, not for a second.
As i would have done anything for you, as i had so often endured just about everything.
I guess i am in the wrong place, as even my home feels like a strangers place.
This shell of my life, even my skin feels like a curtain to cover the truth.
And truth is, nothing is fine or allright...
In my head things run wild, as if i'm not really here... memories and imagination still collide.
But then again, i am not really here... not really in this existence this collection of pointless seconds that fill the days.
The giving up is what kills me, the letting go wrecks me.
Letting go means the end, the end of many thigns that roll on the edge of balance between good or bad.
The life with you was my sacred ground, within that nothing could have harmed me.
Now i'm like a ghost with a forgotten voice, but i have not forgotten your voice.
No matter how many days ago all the images are like yesterday.
Almost impossible to control myself, to control my head but i must...
I must contain myself all the time, no moment to let go, every heartbeat still pumps out blood.
I'm still in a fight, but the fight kills the remaining bits of good, not much left by now.
Still trying not to give up, even though my dreams are klling me and and getting up gets harder by the day.
Just to let go for a single moment is losing, even that fraction of a second will overwhelm me and render me hopeless.
Because in the end...

You are still here in my heart.
like it has always been.
... And i'm still not giving up... even if that destroys the last piece of my heart.

poem by Lucas eman
Added by Poetry Lover
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