My Repetitious Future....[LONG; My Life/Personal; Math]
What do I have to look forward to the rest of my fine life?
It depends, to some degree at least, on my dear wife.
If she stays alive and somehow keeps on putting up with me,
I may live twenty more years (ten more than I 'should') . We'll see.
To make the math simple let's say my years left are ten.
So how many times might I repeat things between this day and then?
I mean some of the daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly things I do.
Some are necessary and some I enjoy, but some I don't look forward to.
Sleep: Let's say 10x365x10=36,500 hours, give or take.
That's about two-fifths as many hours as I'll be awake!
How many movie DVDs watched at night from our couch?
That's 5x52x10=2600 movies we'll see. Ouch.
At only two real meals a day, that's still 7300 sittings to dine,
but with an equal number of snacks I think that I'll be fine.
And while Aki slaves to prepare about 3400 dinners
I'll be reading to us aloud from 130 novels of murder, losers, and winners.
If my body cooperates I'll take 2600 walks, give or take.
Some will be near Bay, but most will be near home that I'll make.
And walking my town's streets I'll take down 300 outdated signs,
and trim 200 overhanging branches as long as no one whines.
I'll practice Happy Birthday on piano 3000 times, most times while standing,
and do perhaps 200 little home projects, which may include some sanding.
I'll fill bird feeders 120 times or more, depending on the birds,
and 2000 times add water to bird dishes, removing first their turds.
I'll romance my wife 520 times; that figure may be high.
I'll shave my face a thousand times unless I give beard, again, a try.
Trim toenails 60 times and fingernails about one-o-five.
3650 showers I'll take as long as wife's alive.
I'll have an untold number of bowel movements. Wait and see.
And ‘bout eighteen thousand times, usually without flushing, I'll pee.
I'll have 10 to 100 doctor appointments. Who really knows?
I'll go to dental office twice yearly, though their current business staff blows.
I'll brush my teeth six or seven thousand times, but with no flossing.
I'll punch a time clock no more times; except for from my wife, I'll have no bossing.
Ten or twenty shirts I'll wear out completely, while getting countless others dirty.
I'll call my siblings about 400 times, especially my sister Birdie.
I'll call friends about 2500 times, plus emails, but few letters.
I might wear an outdoor jacket 400 times, but I'll rarely wear a sweater.
I'll take 3600 doses of aspirin, and twice-that of flaxseed oil,
and 500 bottles of red wine to, hopefully, bad health foil.
I'll open our mailbox over 3000 times unless Saturday delivery stops.
And perhaps 70 times, as a good citizen, I'll call the local cops.
I'll vote for U.S. president three times I guess, no fewer,
and more times to reelect lesser-officials or to elect some people-newer.
I'll send 200 checks to those less-fortunate or to help environment.
And, with my wife,10 times we'll file tax returns, an annual requirement.
I'll wear a necktie no more times; that I can just about swear.
My wife may trim my hair now and then, but no barber will cut my hair.
I'll have eyes examined 8 or 10 times, and buy perhaps 4 pairs of glasses.
A few times, when wife's not looking, I'll look at pretty lasses.
I may attend 3 or 4 weddings, and funerals perhaps one or two.
I plan to attend one or two high school reunions; I'll see what I can do.
My wife will probably take me on 3 to 5 trips beyond the U.S. borders,
and each year 2 or 3 more-local trips; from her I take my orders.
I plan no more colonoscopies, though I don't mind them at all.
I may have a few 'suspicious' moles removed. Doc and wife will make the call.
There should be 1 more census form to fill out for our government,
and 120 credit card statements to check to see what we have spent.
I expect to become a grandpa two or three times. That's ok.
And for 20 migration seasons I may welcome duck travelers to the Bay.
I'll write perhaps 500 poems if I get inspired,
and check blood pressure a thousand times to see how high I'm wired.
I'll say 2500 time to my dear wife, 'I love you'. I do.
And a thousand times 'I'm sorry', though sometimes it's not true.
I'll die one time. One time is all. I hope no one I'll sadden.
[If I croak in less than 10 years, perhaps some folks I'll gladden.]
But, believe me, if I last more than ten years, I hope no one I'll madden.
(2012?)
poem by Bri Edwards
Added by Poetry Lover
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