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<div style="background:#fff;border:#bbb dashed 1px;padding:5px"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none"><div style="margin:10px 0"><strong>I Drive Like Shit (Not Really a Poem)</strong></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none">I happen to be a terrible driver.<br>I’m not purposely aggressive<br>Nor have I ever expressed road rage.<br>I just happen to be absent-minded<br>And I have no sense of direction.</a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none">When I was seeing a certain lady, <br>I would drive to her house, <br>And then if we went to a restaurant<br>Or a movie theater in her neighborhood, <br>I’d give her the keys and let her drive.<br>She didn’t seem to mind.</a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none">But since she drove, <br>I never learned the directions<br>To any of the places we went, <br>Even though we mostly went<br>To the same restaurants and theaters, <br>I’m just that oblivious.</a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none">One day coming home from dinner, <br>She says, “Do you know where you are? ”<br>I replied, “Right here with you.”<br>“No, ” she says, ” If I made you get out of the car, <br>Would you know how to get back to my house? ”<br>I answered quite honestly, “If you did that, <br>And we were only two blocks from your place, <br>I might never find you again! ”<br>Thus my since of direction.</a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none">I’ve always enjoyed going to rock concerts, <br>Which often requires me to drive into downtown Detroit, <br>I’ve been doing this all my life, <br>You would think I knew the city like<br>The back of my hand but no such luck.<br>When friends are with me, I’m normally fine: <br>They’ll tell me, “Turn right, Uriah, ”<br>“The light has turned red, Uriah! ”<br>“Slow down, Uriah, I just saw a cop.”<br>Any number of helpful suggestions<br>Usually proffered in a vaguely pleasant tone.</a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none">But when I’m by myself, I’m dangerous: <br>I’ll accidentally run red lights, <br>I’ll miss important turns, <br>I’ll make crazy U-turns in a vain attempt<br>To remain on track and not get lost.<br>I honestly scare myself sometimes.</a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none">Well, Friday I was going downtown <br>To meet a friend <br>To see the singer Pete Yorn<br>Who was playing at St. Andrews Hall.<br>I’ve been there any number of times, <br>But I get lost every single time, <br>You might as well be setting me down for the first time<br>On the streets of London or Paris! </a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none">St. Andrew’s Hall is on Congress Street, <br>I drove straight to Congress easy as a breeze, <br>I was all proud of myself.<br>But Congress is a one-way street<br>And I was several blocks pass St. Andrew’s.<br>I had to turn onto another street, loop around, <br>And come back. Simple, right? </a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none">I kept turning from one one-way street to another<br>Until I was thoroughly lost and frustrated.<br>Congress Street seemingly vanished in mid air.<br>I pulled into a parking lot with an old white guy attendant<br>Who looked like a street-wise gypsy, <br>And I say, “I’m lost, I’m looking for St. Andrew’s Hall.”</a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none">The old gypsy gives me simple instructions<br>But I never really pay attention to anyone<br>Even if they’re trying to save my life, <br>But I thought I had the gist of what he said<br>And went about my way.</a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none">Several more bad turns, I’m lost again, <br>And I wind right back up at the same parking lot<br>With the same old gypsy.<br>Again, I say, “I’m lost.”<br>This time, the old gypsy sounding perturbed<br>With me for being stupid, says, “Listen, dog, <br>I told you to turn left here, at the next light<br>Turn right, and go four blocks.”</a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=532237" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none"><br>I’m off to St. Andrew’s again and I’m thinking, <br>If I don’t find it this time, and I wind up<br>In the old gypsy’s parking lot again, <br>I think he’ll kick my ass! <br>I’m not strictly offended with the idea<br>Of a guy ten years my junior kicking my ass<br>For looking at his girl as if<br>She were a delicious ice-cream sundae, <br>But I think my pride would be wounded<br>If an old man kicked my ass for being lost!</a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br /></a><a href="http://poems.citatepedia.com/">poem</a> by <strong><a rel="author" href="http://authors.citatepedia.com/by.php?a=Uriah+Hamilton">Uriah Hamilton</a></strong></div>