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When
When I can no longer feel the breeze upon my skin,
When the angels in heaven have ceased to sing
The graceful melodies that they sang through my life,
When the air in my lungs can no longer sustain my lifeless self.
When the cracks had torn the wall of the Hardap Dam
And water came out gushing like an untamed horse.
When the white Brahman cow no longer comes home
And when the cows in the kraal no longer have milk.
When their milk in their ducts have turned to yellow powder
That runs out of the nipple and mocks and laughs at me
While running down the hot Kalahari sands.
When all hope is lost and the birds can no longer build their nests;
When the hour hath come.
When the hour hath come.
Me, unprepared;
Running through the streets of the old town
With houses falling apart and sinking into the sand.
The clay surrendering its self and becoming part of the soil
And me about to become part of the soil too;
Running from one block to the other, street to street, hoping to save my soul.
My soul is dangling by a threat; thin and daring;
Smiling at me as if it would care less if I were to safe it.
In the streets I call. I rage into churches like a mad man.
"Where is the priest, " I asked.
"Upstairs, " said the altar boy.
I ran upstairs, my soul hanging on a threat and me rushing to safe it.
It is funny that all these years I have lived like a pig,
Slept around like a bitch and drunk wine like it was the last time
I will ever smell its heavenly smell or feel its touch on my ravenous tongue.
I had neither wife nor children.
Life was a wild ride without stallions, but only my heart
And bodily desires guiding it in the dark and eating fruits of wisdom
And bathing in ephemeral happiness.
Now, when my heart can no longer desire and by bones have begun to crack
And the ligaments have begun to tear.
When the hour hath come, here I am.
Looking for a priest to safe my soul.
When I was about to open the door to let the priest baptize me
In the name of Christ the son of God, my heart failed me.
It skipped a heart-beat or two and stopped.
It ceased to pump and I saw her slipping on the threat, smiling at me,
Wearing a matter-of-fact smile as if she is not going to hell.
I try to utter a word or two to the priests who seems to be in complete shock.
I grope my left breast and began whining in agony
And before the priest could dip me in the holy water,
My soul was already gone.
She was gone and I could not safe her.
When the time raced like a jet
And every sound became tangled waves of languages I did not understand;
I lost her and never found her.
poem
by
Tjizembua Tjikuzu
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