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Looking
I'm standing here..
On the threshold of change.
Standing on a precipice
High as the sky
Thin as a hair
Sharp as a razor.
And, I'm looking below
One wrong move, and, I'll be cut to pieces..
I don't know
Where to look anymore..
I've looked high and low
In the eyes of strangers
I never found me, and I haven't found you.
I'm worried and scared
If I make one wrong move
Walk into the desert
Where instead of sand,
Shards of glass wait to cut me.
Here's the problem though
I'm already cut in two.
What good would it do
To make me bleed more?
I've forgotten why
I began this journey
Was I searching for you
Or looking for a better me?
I've forgotten that
I wasn't afraid of heights
I was never afraid of looking down or around.
But, then, I had wings
Which
Since then,
Have been clipped away.
I've forgotten to
Enjoy myself
I'm not blaming you though
It's not your fault.
You were something
I never anticipated.
I wish you would go
Let me look around.
Stop blocking my view.
I need to see the truth.
Let me find myself again
Continue my journey.
I need to retrace my steps
To where I took a wrong turn.
Feel for my old footing
See familiar ground.
I refused to believe that it was a race
Now everyone is finished
And I still haven't finished the crossing line...
I don't feel like a looser
Just a reluctant participant.
I don't like being dragged
Pulled in a direction foreign to me
The taste of this is
Unpalatable to me.
Find me.
When you do,
Remember this..
I carry my own wounds
Of battles I've lost and won
Don't judge me for a life you didn't live
And,
I promise..
I haven't been perched on a higher plane
From which..
I'd be looking down
And
Judging you.
poem
by
Rabia Minhas
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