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MY First My Last
It’s quite bizarre what you think about when you’re swimming.
I’m thinking of what I’m doing and Christine from the beginning.
How can I not remember the look she gave me when we first met
and her brilliant friendly smile, oh, how could I ever forget.
When we touched and held hands for the very first time
a thrill went through my body and up and down my spine.
And when I smelled the fragrance of your skin and hair
I wanted to be with you forever no matter what, or where.
I thought your soft lips were going to melt when we first kissed
oh, I can taste them now and their touch is so painfully missed.
You turned me inside out and I needed to be as one with you
I wanted the souls of our body to be connected, and I still do.
Wherever we kissed you tasted so perfect and I wanted more and more
you made my heart beat so fast and loud you could hear it I’m sure.
And whenever you were unhappy your sadness made me unhappy too
I tried to make you laugh or smile, so the sun would shine through.
The occasions when you sobbed and cried I couldn’t hold back my tears
I shared your sadness, your emotions, your problems, and your fears.
That day by the river when I wished my nervous body would stop shaking
my heart rate and breathing were so fast and seemed to be accelerating.
Our excitement and passion was becoming stronger and stronger
both of us wanted to go further, and we couldn’t wait any longer.
We made love for the first time on that warm summer afternoon
feeling guilty didn’t help us, but we had to do it again very soon.
When our passion became uncontrollable and our desires burst through,
we made love so often, and it was the natural thing to do.
We didn’t care where we made love be it night or day,
in the lush green fields, or on the freshly cut hay.
As time passed, when we were alone you liked me to describe
from the very first kiss how I intended to make you come alive.
We wanted to be with each other throughout the day and night,
but that couldn't be, so we would argue and say words to spite.
I wanted to become a part of you, body and soul forever
and you felt the same, two as one and parting never.
Side by side we would have jumped from the highest mountain
holding hands, kissing and spiralling to our deaths for certain.
When I wasn’t with you I thought about you all the time,
but my jealousy was eating away deep inside my mind
and this was driving you further and further away from me,
but I loved you and wanted you more than could ever be.
I realise now that my jealousy made you grow tired of me
and because of this I’m swimming far out to sea.
As I have now come to the end of looking back in time
my arms are aching, but I’m not looking behind.
For hours now I've been swimming in this cold salty sea
my limbs aren't moving like they ought to be.
I still see your face my darling, but without you I cannot live
and yet I have so much love left in me to give.
I’ve left an addressed letter to you in my hotel room,
it explains everything and I hope you get it soon.
So goodbye my dearest love I’m still thinking of you
and don’t blame yourself that I feel the way I do.
poem
by
Orlando Belo
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