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<div style="background:#fff;border:#bbb dashed 1px;padding:5px"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=471371" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none"><div style="margin:10px 0"><strong>Loath and Fear</strong></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><a href="http://www.citatepedia.com/comments.php?id=471371" style="color:#000;text-decoration:none">If I would rely on phrenology, <br>Or science, or mythology, <br>I'd burn down this damned city<br>And disembark in a conclusion<br>Of the ugly veracity: <br>I loathe everything! <br>I fear everything! <br>I loathe that I am writing about loathing<br>And I fear that I might lose every one<br>Though I barely have anyone, <br>So I loathe even more on this fear.<br>I loathe that I write about myself all the time, and<br>I fear that I might not be writing at all<br>I loathe that I would narrate a story<br>In the surreal slopes of enigma, and<br>I fear, afterwards, that no one will pry<br>To understand or even console.<br>I loathe that my mouth cannot mouth<br>What my hands opted to write, and<br>I fear that my hands aren't equipped<br>To write what I cannot mouth.<br>I loathe even more that I build walls<br>For people to beat down and divulge<br>The forlorn boy inside, and yet<br>I fear to be found.<br>And I loathe to the point of breaking<br>That no one ever cared to pry<br>And that makes me shudder in fear, and<br>I fear this kind of loathing<br>And loathe this kind of fear.<br>I loathe that I cannot gain readers, and<br>I fear that I may never have<br>I loathe that readers appreciates the writing<br>But not the congealed brook<br>Between the lines of it, and<br>I fear that they might not even<br>Appreciate the spilled blood<br>In every line of it.<br>I loathe, I fear, <br>That apart from writing<br>I am never good at anything<br>Except maybe from fearing and loathing.<br>I loathe that I blame the past<br>For making me loathe a lot, and<br>For making me fear a lot<br>For making me loathe sports, and<br>For making me fear trying<br>And all the brusquely recreations<br>And the shame of failing.<br>I loathe, I fear, <br>That I was turned<br>To be a loathing misanthrope<br>From a fearing diffident<br>Or perhaps not, <br>Perhaps, I am both.<br>I loathe, I fear, <br>The mad man that I am<br>Smoking the emaciation out<br>For I loathe and fear the society<br>And their chauvinistic beliefs.<br>I fear that I am ninety pounds flat, <br>I loathe that I am not doing anything, <br>And I loathe and fear my loathing and fearing<br>Because I fear that all I have left<br>Is my loathing to strengthen myself.<br>I loathe my poor drinking limit<br>And I loathe the carousals<br>As much as I fear encompassing the line<br>And fearing the toll of carousals<br>For I never get inebriated<br>In loathe and fear.<br>I loathe the carousing table<br>For they are full of shallow people<br>Except for one person, perhaps<br>And I loathe and I fear, <br>That I may not be him.<br>I loathe that I am poor<br>Because I am jobless<br>And so are my parents.<br>I loathe, I fear, <br>That when I finish college<br>And finally get a job<br>That I cannot think for myself<br>Because my shoulders are donned<br>With so much unsolicited weights; <br>I loathe that I loathe it<br>Because it makes me a loathing glutton<br>Self-centered and loathsome, and<br>I fear all this loathing<br>For the very same reasons.<br>I loathe that I do not have friends<br>And that I cannot have friends<br>And that I loathe my friends, and<br>I fear that I can loathe my friends<br>Or not having thereof<br>For I fear to realize<br>That I do not even know what I want<br>Or that no one knows what I want.<br>I loathe that I do not have the facilities<br>And sometimes the interest<br>And there is nothing much fearful<br>Than loathing your fears<br>And fearing your loathing<br>From your fears.<br>I fear the approaching season<br>For I am bound to loathe even more<br>That the people are carousing<br>For not a single reason<br>Whilst I loathe, whilst I fear<br>Not having anything.<br>And despite me inscribing these<br>I loathe that I am doing these, and<br>I fear that I am not doing these right.<br>I loathe and fear that I am hopeful<br>Again and again after another failure<br>And I loathe, and I fear, <br>That even with a fractured cranium<br>I would still go for another try<br>And I loathe even more<br>And I fear even more<br>That I loathe, and that I fear, <br>But never give up<br>On loath and fear.</a></div><div style="margin:10px 0"><br /></a><a href="http://poems.citatepedia.com/">poem</a> by <strong><a rel="author" href="http://authors.citatepedia.com/by.php?a=Norman+Santos">Norman Santos</a></strong></div>