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She Said
She said she's lost
She moved to Manchester to find herself
But I can't find her in this frost
She said she wanted more than a friendship
But less than a one night stand
And that's why we spoke while sitting
She said she lost an ex boyfriend
I told her I didn't wanna play pretend
Wouldn't be a faker
There's one bullet in the gun of a relationship
And I'm not that much of a risk taker
My selfishness repeated itself
It told me your not a first aid-er
She said there would be no other him
So I told her... I'm not him
She blamed herself
I watched her while she stopped herself from crying
It was too awkward to help
Two, just the two of us, can make it if we try
yeah right, I told her I wasn't gonna lie
I might look like it but I'll never be that guy
That guy who is there to care
There to help any tears that fall
To make them all evaporate into the air
There to take away the dirt like a disgusting stain in a chair
Sew it up like a tear
Make it bearable to sit together
She said she didn't like the Manchester whether
Yet she moved here with the intention to live, whatever
All the alcohol is doing is killing the senses
I told her I didn't wanna know her business
I don't even know my neighbors business
Because I don't like to sit on fences
I lay on top of her, her legs were open
I told her I meant this
Conversation followed by kisses that were endless
She said she just wanted to speak
Do you want me to leave? Yeah that's what I asked
She was forcing me to be a stranger
it was like I was masked
Made me feel like I was masking her with masking tape
I had every intention to do
in a night that I had no intention to do
I therefore had no condom and was too tired to find a shop that was open like her legs
It was too late, lay in the bed
There was no way I was doing, it was too late
In my dream I invented a girl just like her
But when she became real I didn't wanna recreate
I put my arms around her and it was silent like a room full of mutes at a wake
She said that bringing me back with her her was a mistake
I said the fact I was still there was a bigger mistake
An accident waiting to happen
I thought about going... Only to remember the Manchester whether
I thought about Piccadilly gardens, the cold step we sat on
I didn't wanna go out there alone
I remember yawning, falling, not for her, only asleep
I was waiting for the morning with the benefit of a pill she wouldn't need
I woke up ready and sober, she said you wanted to do me
I said I tried, I told you, I didn't wanna hold you, I didn't even wanna know you
And that's when she cried.
I asked her why her ex boyfriend left her
She said he didn't leave me. He died.
poem
by
Daniel McCann
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